A Great Song for a few Rough Days

My brother Brian's death is back in the news. You can imagine it's hard to continually re-live circumstances surrounding Brian's death when it's on the front page of most newspapers.

I admire my parents and my sister in law for their righteousness and spirit. Their heart is in the right place. We've grown closer together this past year. We've experienced God's miracles and the heart-ache of loss.

I believe we have a small glimpse of what my donor family must be experiencing. What comforts me is that I know their loved one's heart is still beating in a good man who'll never do anything to dishonor the gift of life.

With these thoughts and feelings I want to share with you the words of Steven Curtis Chapman who wrote about his own struggle in dealing with his daughter's tragic and untimely death. I believe his words with all my heart.

Jesus Will Meet You There
by Steven Curtis Chapman

LISTEN TO THE SONG

When you think you’ve hit the bottom
And the bottom gives way
And you fall into a darkness
No words can explain
You don’t know how you’ll make it out alive
Jesus will meet you there

And when the doctor says “ I’m sorry, we don’t know what else to do”
And you’re looking at your family
Wondering how they’ll make it through
Whatever road this life takes you down
Jesus will meet you there

He knows the way to wherever you are
He knows the way to the depths of your heart
He knows the way cause He’s already been where you’re going
Jesus will meet you there

When the jury says “guilty”
And the prison doors close
The one you love says nothing
But just packs up and goes
The sunlight comes and your world’s still dark
Jesus will meet you there

When you failed again
And all the second chances have been used
And the heavy weight of guilt and shame
Is crushing down on you
And all you have us one last cry for help
Jesus will meet you there

He knows the way to wherever you are
He knows the way to the depths of your heart
He knows the way cause He’s already been where you’re going

When you realize the dreams you’ve had
For your child won’t come true
And when the phone rings
In the middle of the night with tragic news
Whatever valley you must walk through
Jesus will meet you there
He will meet you there
Jesus will meet you there

www.stevencurtischapman.com

Meeting Senator Hatch & Saying Goodbye to Grandpa

Last Thursday, I was fortunate to meet with Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah to discuss congenital heart disease and a bill (S-621), The Congenital Heart Futures Act, which has been read twice in the Senate and referred to the Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions.

Senator Hatch is a ranking member of this committee and has the power to make great things happen for education and research concerning the #1 birth defect in our nation. There are 1.3 million Americans with CHD. He was very cordial and friendly. I had a confidence boost when his assistant Annette said she enjoyed one of my albums. I told her she has good taste! (LOL) In addition, we talked about the Senators music since both of us have worked with a few of the same people in the music business.

I invited Dr. William McDonnell to attend the meeting with me. He is an adjunct professor of law and Director of the Center for Children’s Environmental Health Law and Policy at the University of Utah. Although he is an attorney, the doctor spends most of his time working in Primary Children’s Medical Center’s E.R, when he’s not competing in triathlons. Dr. McDonnell is a great guy and has dedicated his life to improving the quality of health care for children in our nation. He is also married to my adult congenital heart doctor Angela Yetman. I’m sure he has been well informed of the challenge children with CHD face as they transition to adulthood. My own personal transition was challenging and at times I felt lost within a system doctors had no control over.

A section of the bill that concerns me for the rising generation of children with CHD is the following phrase:

“Less than 10 percent of adults living with complex congenital heart disease currently receive recommended cardiac care. Many individuals with congenital heart disease are unaware that they re quire life-long specialized health surveillance. Delays in care can result in premature death and disability.

“The estimated life expectancy for those with congenital heart disease is significantly lower than for the general population. The life expectancy for those born with moderately complex heart defects is 55, while the estimated life expectancy for those born with highly complex defects is between 35 and 40.

“Despite the prevalence and seriousness of the disease, Federal research, data collection, education, and awareness activities are limited."

There is no federal funding to educate families affected by congenital heart disease, the #1 birth defect. I want parents to feel assured there is a clinic and pediatric thoracic surgeons available in every state when their children become adults. Fortunately, my community has a wonderful adult CHD clinic under the direction of Angela T. Yetman. We still had to overcome some challenges getting at pediatric thoracic surgeon to operate on me as an adult. I believe this will be worked out in time so others have no hurdles to jump over. If you want to help make this happen in the lives of more than 1.3 million people with CHD click here to let your state Representative and Senators know. Their office reads these letters and your voice will be heard. It would also be interesting to have you leave your comments here and I'll forward them onto the Senator's office.

When we arrived in the Senator’s office Richard Piatt of KSL News was interviewing the Senator about the recent health care bill the Democrats passed through the House with no Republican support. The Senator's personal assistant asked me if I mind being filmed with the Senator? I made it clear I was not there to discuss health care for Americans. I was there to talk about a separate issue that just happens to fall under the health category. Richard was very kind. I had seen him in the lobby and he asked if I would comment on congenital heart disease. I believe the story KSL ran on the 10 o’clock news made it clear why I was there even though it was interwoven into the health care. Here is the link to watch the story.


My Heritage and Saying Goodbye to Grandpa Layton

Publicly, other than voting in a booth I have never been very political. I usually share opinions with family and a few trusted friends. I can tell you how grateful I am to enjoy the benefits of living in America.

All of my ancestors are immigrants from Europe and Canada. Our ancestors made this country special. We carry with us their names and some traditions. Are we living up to our heritage?

My great great grandparents Mary Joy and Edward Snelgrove were in trouble with immigration laws in the late nineteenth century. They settled in the Utah territory as Mormon pioneers from England and never filed their paperwork for citizenship. They didn’t know how to do it. Thankfully, federal officials worked with them and they were able to stay. The Snelgrove's were hard working people who created jobs for other folks. Edward started one of the first piano stores in the Salt Lake Valley.

From Mary Joy and Edward came my grandmother Mona Snelgrove Layton, the sweetest and most faithful woman on earth. She grew up struggling through the depression and understood a time when our country was in really big trouble. It seems like back then honesty was an attribute everyone cared about having.

We celebrated my grandfather’s legacy this past Saturday at his funeral. He always taught us, "Be honest. Your integrity is all you have." Grandma cared for him almost 70 years and raised a wonderful family who make a wonderful contribution to society.

Photo: My Grandfather, Captain Alan W. Layton, The United States Army

Grandpa was from “The Greatest Generation” who fought in World War II and was sent to France as a commanding officer and was in the midst of intense military action. He was seriously wounded in the Battle of the Bulge in 1945 and returned home a decorated veteran, receiving the prestigious Purple Heart.

At the graveside service members of our nation’s military paid tribute to my grandfather folding the American flag and handing it to my grandmother. One soldier played taps as the snow fell like small white feathers from heaven. Buried with my grandfather are a few of the shell fragments in his finger and leg from the War.

I love this country. We need to carry the torch passed to us from the greatest generation. They stood for hard work and sacrifice. I don’t have answers to solve our national's problems but I believe we can work together to work miracles.

Photo: Folding the flag at my grandfathers' graveside service

I appreciate Senator Hatch taking the time to meet with me to discuss congenital heart disease. He met with many people on that day and throughout the week discussing a variety of issues. Some media suggest congressmen and women are home for the holidays and doing nothing. But, I admire Senator Hatch, my other state Senator Bob Bennett and Representative Jim Mattheson for using their time to meet with the people they represent. I was honored to have a rare opportunity.

Overall, every nation needs responsible, creative, and honest men and women to lead and citizens to encourage our leaders. "The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office," said Dwight D. Eisenhower.

My GrandDad

It is not a coincidence America is celebrating Veterans Day the same week my grandfather, Alan Layton, passed away. Leaving behind posterity of more than 100 people Grandpa is one of the last few surviving heroes to defend our nation from Hitler and save Europe from utter destruction in World War II. Certainly my grandfather was a major contributor to what former NBC News Anchor Tom Brokaw called, “The greatest generation any society has ever produced.”

Two months ago as I recovered in the pediatric intensive care unit after my heart transplant my grandparents came up to visit. My grandfather had been experiencing dementia in the last few years and occasionally forgot where he was although he acted like he knew what was going on. This is the difficult part in losing a grandparent, watching them grow old and seeing their vibrant spirit fade. He sat in a rocking chair holding his cane at the foot of my bed. I still had most of my tubes in and out of my body. My grandmother was so enthused by my pink lips she was overcome with emotion. She rubbed my feet at the end of my bed and was saying, "Look at your beautiful color." Meanwhile, my grandfather didn't look to happy she was rubbing my feet and quipped, "Don't rub that man's feet!" We laughed and reminded him she was taking care of her grandson.

My Grandfather’s own mother implanted in his heart a love for God and for other people. All you need in your life is a mother who loves you and you have within you the power to become a giant among men. His blood type was a model for his life “B+”. He was an optimist and believed anything was possible.

Aside creating one of the most successful construction companies in the Rocky Mountain region, Layton Construction, my grandfather spent most of his time with my grandmother building up a strong family loyal to one another.

When I was really young my grandparents bought a 2-acre garden with an intended purpose. Each Saturday grandpa gathered the family and taught us how to work the earth. Whether it was tilling, weeding, irrigating, planting seeds of all kinds Grandpa was busy teaching valuable principles of hard work. We enjoyed the blessings of our labor with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables to circulate among our separate neighborhoods. He was teaching us the benefits service.

Having grown up in the depression and working since he was a child, Grandpa was deeply concerned about people going into debt. He taught, “Pay yourself. You worked for your money. Let your money work for you.” This meant save your money, put it in the bank, and let the interest work to make even more money.

Photo: With my grandparents after our marriage on April 11, 1997 - According to my LDS Faith the person marrying us dresses in white a symbol of purity and of God.

Twenty years ago President Gordon B. Hinckley of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints gave my granddad authority to marry couples in our temples. My wife and I were fortunate and blessed to be married by granddad in the beautiful Salt Lake City Temple. During our marriage ceremony my sweet grandpa gave us sound advice. He said, “Never go to bed angry at one another. Laugh if you have to. Work it out. You need to know what is in each other’s hearts. Tell each other everything.” He counseled us to make God a partner in our relationship. “The good Lord will help you in hard times and bring happiness to your home.”

The morning I was born on April 24, 1973 when my parents were told I probably would not make it because of a congenital heart defect my father picked up my granddad and headed to the hospital. Together they took me into a small room shortly before surgery and held a special prayer with all the faith they could muster. That blessing, that quiet humble prayer, has been vindicated time and time again.

In lieu of my brother’s tragic death on June 9, 2009 our family is grateful Grandpa now joins Brian in the afterlife. What a reunion! I can only imagine my brother anxiously awaiting his arrival with open arms into paradise. I’ll miss my grandfather. I know he'll care for my brother and thousands of others who need strong men of courage, integrity, devotion, and love.

The grief I'm experiencing is that an era has come to an end. The sadness is in the knowledge that none of us will ever be little again to enjoy the little things like working in the garden side by side with granddad, getting an ice cream out of his hands, fishing the Grey's River in Wyoming, or listening to his stories of building things, war, or the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Photo: My brother Brian holding his daughter Ava sitting with Grandpa

I’m grateful for this wonderful man, my granddad, Alan W. Layton, who devoted his life to creating nostalgic memories, which brought us closer together as a family and closer to God.

Thumbs up on each biopsy!

Photo: Me and Eden dressed for Halloween, Granny was in paying for Gas. Can Cats drive?

After a fun Halloween weekend, Monday morning I had my fifth biopsy since receiving my heart transplant 56 days ago. So far all of my lab results have been wonderful. There are hardly any signs of rejection, if any. In other words, the heart I received is a perfect match, extremely strong, and my body is receiving the organ very well. I am fortunate, blessed, and grateful to God.

What is a Biopsy?

My myocardial biopsies are performed in an operating room known as the cath lab by a cardiologist. In this test a small amount of tissue is removed from the internal lining from the heart for testing. It is used to help detect rejection of the new heart after a heart transplant. A long, flexible tube, called a catheter, is inserted into a vein and threaded into the heart's right artrium through the tricuspid valve into the right ventricle. The doctor can guide the catheter by watching its movement on a monitor showing an X-ray image of the area. The tip of the catheter is fitted with tiny jaws that the doctor can open and close. Once the catheter is in place, the doctor will take several tiny snips of muscle for microscopic examination.

What does it feel like?

Most adults and some teenagers choose to be awake for the procedure since most sit still and can endure the tugging.

Because I am doing this in a children's hospital I still have the luxury of requesting anesthesia. My first biopsy was very painful because of some nerve pain so we decided to use anesthesia the next time. Unfortunately, I have some reaction to my anesthesia which seems at times more challenging than the transplant did. For several minutes afterward I feel like I’m in deep water trying to reach an unattainable surface. However, this passes. And I remind myself no matter how hard it is in that moment of despair all things pass. Eventually, it’s over and I feel renewed and happy to be alive. I don’t like talking about the hard moments because I’m an optimist and try to see things from a long-term perspective.

My team and cardiologist have been extremely professional and kind in helping to ease the pain.

As time goes by and there is no sign of rejection my weekly biopsies turn into bi-monthly, monthly, every three months, six months, to every year. At this point, if all goes well I won’t need another one until after Thanksgiving.

I often think of the words of Joseph B. Wirthlin who put suffering in perspective:

“Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come!”

Celebrate Life Concert Tickets onsale Monday

Tickets to my first public concert event go on-sale Monday morning at 10am (MST). You don't want to miss this special concert in one of the finest venues in the country, Abravanel Hall. There is a limited number of seats. Me and my family, band and full ensemble want to see you there!

The direct link to purchase your tickets tomorrow (Monday, 10am) or to learn more information visit: http://www.arttix.org/tickets/production.aspx?performanceNumber=4692

Thanks!

Paul Cardall
www.paulcardall.com

Building a SnowMan

Eden and me are staying quite busy enjoying the falling snow and another season of our lives. I don’t believe anyone could have thought I’d be home in October building a snowman with my girl. What a miracle.

Photo: Playing in the snow with Eden

Looking back to where our family was last year I read a section from my October 5, 2008 blog entry showing some of the challenges we were faced with. It read:

“After a difficult week of being in the hospital to help with my exhaustion my cardiologist pulled some strings to get me home for the weekend. My daughter has been sleeping at my parents home and also at my sister n' laws home. My wife has been working. So, I am happy to be with them for this short weekend. Tomorrow, after church and a nap my wife will work a night shift. I'll be with my daughter at my parents overnight before I go back to the hospital on Monday for several more days of procedures and minor surgery. I will have another Heart Cath and they will put a stent in. They may also change my pacemaker. Then I'll recover for a few days."

Needless to say, life is now back to normal. My wife still works her nursing shift at the newborn intensive care and I am thankfully able to attend to Eden.

Life could not be better!

Whether I am walking in the morning or riding my brother's bike in the afternoon I am exercising each day.

Most people don't realize a transplanted heart has no connection to the brain. It works independently. I'm amazed.

There are a few minor challenges in adapting to a new organ. I believe I have one of the best organs a recipient could receive because of how my body is responding to exercise. I didn't know this type of energy existed.

The following is a deeper explanation of how my new heart functions.

Photo: Last year at this time with Eden in the hospital trying to get my body stable to endure the waiting process

How your new heart responds to exercise

Healthwise

http://www.revolutionhealth.com

During your transplant surgery, some of the nerves that help control the function of your heart are cut, which results in your heart being slower to respond to exercise. In a normal heart, an increase of cardiac output (the total amount of blood that leaves the heart) is a result of an increase in heart rate as well as stroke volume (amount of blood leaving the heart per beat).

In a transplanted heart, however, this increase in heart rate is delayed, and instead your stroke volume provides the amount of blood that your body needs. Your heart rate will increase if you exercise hard, but only after your stroke volume can no longer provide enough blood to your body.

This is important to know, because it means that your heart rate will not increase when you exercise the way it used to with your old heart. Also, your new heart will have a higher heart rate when you are resting (about 95 to 115 beats per minute bpm]), as well as a lower maximum heart rate when you are exercising (about 150 bpm).

Therefore, measuring your heart rate is not a good way to measure how hard you are exercising. Instead, you may need to monitor other signs such as blood pressure, rate of perceived exertion (RPE), and shortness of breath while you are exercising

Your heart rate may be highest right after you finish exercising and will remain high. You will also need to give your new heart longer to cool down afterward.

Due to this delayed heart rate response to exercise and the smaller-than-normal stroke volume, your overall exercise cardiac output may be lower than that of the average person. This means that you may achieve a lower overall cardiovascular fitness level than if you had an original healthy heart.

The Strength to Listen

Each week as I attend my transplant clinic at Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City I run into other families with a child who has a heart defect or is waiting for a heart transplant.

This past week I was fortunate to spend a brief moment with Lucas and his mother. They checked into the hospital in the room next to me shortly before I left home. Lucas needs a heart soon. He is a sweet infant with a beautiful smile who gets the affection of the nurses who cared for me.

In Lucas’s room I could feel God’s love and I know He is deeply involved in their battle. I was honored to be in the presence of Lucas.

Photo: Visiting with Lucas and his mother Kristin while he waits for a heart tranplant

As I was leaving the hospital on the elevator after visiting with Lucas I accidentally got off on the wrong floor. These things are not a coincidence because I was fortunate to run into Briton and his mother Stacee.

I was wearing my green mask since I was in a public environment, which protects me from catching the flu or a cold while my immune system is worse than a newborn child. Unfortunately, my mask frightened young Briton.

I felt bad and offered him my Three Musketeer candy bar I had just purchased. I had a good time talking to them and know God is deeply involved in their lives.

Briton received the Fontan procedure several weeks ago and is doing quite well. He should have a long life ahead of him. The fontan has greatly improved from the time I had received it more than twenty years ago.

As I visited with these two families I again realized that even though I feel a season of victory there are others in the midst of a hard battle.

Often, so many of us are oblivious to what’s happening next door or in our own homes.

I hope I never forget or lose sight of the fact that there are children and adults throughout the world in need of our kindness, love, prayers, and a little help.

My scars are reminders.

Photo: Visiting with Briton and his mother Stacee. He is recovering from the fontan surgery

You and I can only do so much. We can improve the world by choosing to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort.

I believe God will guide us to where we need to be to serve others.

If I've learned anything at all through my experiences it is that I know God is the Father of us all. He loves his children more than we can imagine. We can trust in Him.

No matter how much we do or try to do to help in the end it's the love of God that is going to help ease the pain and suffering of others. I felt His love through the kind acts of others.

Of course we need seasons to celebrate!

However, I’ve learned that even though we are in a state celebration or like we don’t have a care in the world, we should have within each of us the strength to listen to our impressions and be ready to go and do all that is asked of us.

So what can we do today?

Instead of focusing on everyone we know with a trial try selecting one person in need and go and do something about it. Maybe that means offering up a prayer, sending a thoughtful e-mail, making phone call, delivering a kind note, or simply listening to their burdens without saying much. Be a listening ear and enjoy the time you have with that person.

By doing this you’ll find more peace and happiness because you’re thinking of others.

My Special Announcement: CELEBRATE LIFE WITH ME!

A year ago when I was listed for a heart transplant I put my music career on hold because of my extreme fatigue and the unique dilemma. I canceled over 25 performances and asked another record label to release my "Sacred Piano" album. It was hard to be away, but a poignant time for my family.

Now that I’m healthy and have the energy I never knew existed, I'm thrilled to announce my first public concert event in my hometown of Salt Lake City at the elegant

Abravanel Hall on February 15, 2010.

Come celebrate life with me as I share my music and journey accompanied by a full band, string ensemble, and several guest musician friends.

I wish those of you living outside of Utah could join me. Hopefully, I'll be able to come to you soon.

As part of the celebration we will host a silent auction, which will provide “The Living for Eden Educational Scholarship” for a couple of kids with congenital heart disease.

My friend's at the Baron Music group are organizing this wonderful event. They led the effort last year by hosting The Living For Eden benefit concert, which greatly helped our family through a difficult time. Many of you came and witnessed one of the many miracles that takes place as a community gathers around one of its own.

Tickets go on sale November 2 through all ART-TIX locations or by calling 801.355.ARTS or ordering online at www.arttix.org

I hope you’ll spread the word. Feel free to copy and paste the image to your blog or facebook page.

Please join me in walking down memory lane and looking ahead to a bright future. February 15, 2010 will be an evening to remember. Bring your family and friends.

For more information:

http://www.paulcardall.com

Sponsors include; Intermountain Healing Hearts, Intermountain Donor Services, and KSFI FM100.

A Bike and Answers to Prayer

In addition to this new entry please come back on Friday for a very special announcement!

One of the last e-mails I received from my brother Brian who tragically died this past summer wrote to me, “I am excited to see what you accomplish with 100% capacity post transplant! Maybe we should get you a road bike or some skis or something.”

Photo: I'm wearing a mask in public because of the amount of immunosuppressant drugs I am taking to prevent organ rejection. So far all testing shows I have little if any rejection.

In the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) as I recovered from an beautifully orchestrated surgery I noticed I had never felt so alive. Blood was flowing through my body and I could feel it giving new life and energy to my soul. With an ambitious spirit I said to my wife, “I am going to get a bike and ride around like a silly little boy.” Doctors advised me to wait 6-8 weeks for my sternum to heal.

I was anxious to buy a bike but my family kept telling me not to go out and buy one yet because my sister in law Anna had a connection with one of the local bicycle shops. We spoke over the phone. I mentioned to her what Brian had said to me in one of his last e-mails. She said, “I know just what you need and what Brian would have gotten for you.” I trusted her instinct.

As I anxiously awaited word, I set aside some money I had been saving to help pay for my new joy ride.

Photo: Following Eden on a bike ride at sunset

The other night as my family gathered at my parent’s home. It was a beautiful evening with the leaves changing colors. My mom said, “Let’s go outside while the weather is still good.” I said, "I’ll be out in a few minutes." I was transferring some video my dad had taken of Eden and me up the canyon.

I walked outside to find everyone smiling. I looked towards them and saw a beautiful black road bike lying up against a chair on the grass where my sister in law Anna was standing. She had found me a bike.  And this was not your average bike.

I could barely contain myself I was so excited. Then, my heart was overwhelmed with emotion when she told me, “It's Brian’s bike. He used to ride this thing around like a silly little boy going off jumps.” I had no idea my brother had a bike. He never told me about it and there are no photos. Overcome with joy, I asked, "What do I pay you for this?" She was insulted and said, “I’m not going to sell you Brian’s bike. It’s yours. He wants you to have it.” Thank you Anna.

We all miss my brother.

Now that I’m alive and recovered, I think about Brian’s death each day. I remember sobbing like a child over his casket with oxygen tubes in my nose. Many of my tears are buried with him.

Since his tragic death I have asked our Heavenly Father, the creator of all things, in humble prayer, “Why Brian? Why not me? I’m the sick one. He’s thriving. He’s amazing. He has plenty of time to do many many great things.” I carried this with me until the day the call came a heart had become available.

In the quiet moment of night, prior to my life-threatening surgery, came the tender impression from our Father in Heaven, which said to me, “I need him.” Comfort filled the room and my body experienced a powerful sense of peace and solace. My old heart burned and felt empowered. Then I felt another impression say to me, “I need you here.”

I have no doubt, when all is said and done, and I’m finished with what I want to do here, I will join my brother in the afterlife.

Photo: Brian Cardall helping his daughter Ava learn to walk

 Each of us, you and me, has a purpose or destiny. You have talents, gifts, a personality and characteristics, which should enable you to accomplish a lot of good in this world and in the next. We have within us the love, service, and selfless acts of kindness, needed to strengthen our marriages, families, community, and the world.

I know Brian is alive and doing special things. I’m sure he finds time to ride a bike, climb mountains, re-unite with old family, observe the stunning new colors of the flowers and nature, ask a lot of questions, and associate with those he hasn’t seen in many years.

I believe my brother has been with God, felt of His comforting embrace, and heard the song of redeeming love. I believe this is the same for the millions upon millions.

I realize these thoughts and answers are deep or heavy. Where do I get this information and confidence?

Artwork: Lost and Found by Greg Olsen (official link)

According to my LDS faith there is scripture which provides me with a comforting answer regarding this sensitive subject, “Behold, it has been made known unto me (The Prophet Alma) by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil are taken home to that God who gave them life… And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.” (Alma 40:11-12, The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ)

Every time I get on Brian’s bike and ride around like a silly little boy I’ll be reminded of our relationship. It will last beyond this world because life is eternal made possible by Jesus, the Creator of all things. Coming to earth is part of a great plan. We've come to get a body, learn how to control it, overcome addictions, and return home to the God who gave us life to continue in assisting the millions of those who are struggling to find their way back home.

As I regain my strength, I will try to continue to do here what I believe Brian is doing in a world of spirits, which is offering hope to people.

What do people need? They need kindness. They need to know they are not alone. They need to know there are those who love them. They need to know in their hearts our Heavenly Father, the supreme being, knows their names and you can talk to Him in a prayer by yourself in a quiet place in your home or car. He will listen.

When I am at home with my daughter and she's in another room with her eyes closed. She can't see me, but she knows I'm there.

As the saying goes, “A man or woman will never stand taller than when he or she is on their knees” in prayer seeking help, strength, and answers to life’s most challenging questions.

To my dear brother Brian and his beautiful wife Anna, their new baby Bella Aspen and toddler Ava Sky, thank you for the bike! I'll ride it like a silly boy!

In Review: Sharing my Story with CMN Organizers

I was invited by Primary Children's Medical Center to share my story with the folks responsible for organizing The Children's Miracle Network activities, telethons, and getting charitable funds for some families who qualify for financial help. PCMC hosted the national conference in Salt Lake City, Utah at the Marriot. The organization usually hears from a child.

Children’s Miracle Network Speech

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

My name is Paul Cardall.

I’m a husband and father of a young toddler. I’ve lived with a severe congenital heart defect for 36 years. Thanks to a dedicated team of professionals, my parent’s optimism, and the grace of God I've enjoyed quality time with only a single ventricle.

I’ve been in and out of Primary Children’s Medical Center my whole life.

(Photo: Primary Children's Medical Center)

In fact, in August 2008 my heart was failing so severely I was listed for a heart transplant. Because of my enlarged heart and complicated anatomy doctors and statistics suggested I might not survive the surgery. My wife and I were quite discouraged.

Either way, it was a mountain I was willing to climb.

We were faced with an unknown future. You can imagine our conversations that happened late in the night after we tucked our daughter into her bed about the “what if?”

(Photo: Looking out my hospital window. By Jeffery D. Allred, Deseret News)

Other medical centers had little experience in caring for an adult with a rare congenital heart defect. They were well versed in heart failure, various cardiac thoracic procedures, and the usual heart attacks but my unique anatomy required the attention of pediatric thoracic surgeons and specialists. This would not be your typical heart transplant.

As part of this innovative plan, I would be receiving my continued care at Primary Children’s Medical Center here in Utah.

As an adult in a Children’s Hospital my experience allowed me to gain a rare and special perspective into the medical care of a child.

My decline in health has been a challenging year of learning how to adapt to our new situation.

In addition to my health, more stress came this past summer to my family when my younger brother, Brian Cardall, who suffered a severe anxiety episode outside a small Utah town, was tragically killed after being tasered twice by a police officer.

(Photo: My brother Brian holding his daughter Ava)

As I was contemplating my own mortality my brother’s sudden death was extremely ironic. This event fueled my passion and will to live.

My brother was a well-published scientist. He was a mountain climber and understood each of us have mountains to climb. I know he would want me to “never give up!”

Through this ordeal, our family came to understand the hard sacrifice that would be made by another family whose loss would give me a second chance at life. Their loss would give my daughter a father, and my wife a husband.

After a year waiting for a heart, my transplant team urged me to check into the children’s hospital to stay until a heart would become available because my organs were failing and time was running out.

We were hoping a heart would become available. I did this. Immediately, my medical team began feeding me with nutrients and adjusting medications.

Living in a children’s hospital I’d get strange looks by young kids and parents wondering why the old man with oxygen and IV pole was in their hospital. Feeling bad for me my kind nurses put a name-tag on my door with the appropriate title, “Mr. Benjamin Button” in reference to a recent Hollywood movie about an old man who grows young.

If anyone looked at me funny or asked what I was doing there I jokingly told them I was a hospital critic reviewing the children’s hospital and wondered if they had any suggestions.

I think I became an expert critic as I witnessed first hand these kids, these cute little kids in their hospital gowns with IVs, teddy bears, and nurses pulling them around in their wagons to x-ray at 6am each morning.

(Photo: Playing the piano with one of the patients at PCMC. Phot by Jeffery D. Allred, Deseret News)

I was deeply affected by the amount of ill children who I saw fighting for their lives.

When I heard a child cry, naturally as a father, I desperately wanted to know what I could do to help alleviate their pain and fears. Nurses weren’t able to tell me what was going on so I was left to wonder, hope, and pray for that child.

A few are so helpless and hurting. Several are scared and some alone in their new environment.

Most parents who spend time with these kids are also feeling alone. And yet, they find strength in their children who seem to be teaching them principles of hope, faith, patience, and love.

I remember being there myself as a child and having the same emotions.

However, in my own experience I could not think of a better place and a kinder group of folks who selflessly serve and accommodate families without much public recognition. I can play a piece of music and an audience of a thousand applauds. Yet, these nurses tenderly and quietly care for a child and no one knows about it except those involved. It’s beautiful.

These children bring a special feeling to the medical center. They are the angels who walk the halls and their spirits alone create a comforting feeling for those who interact with them.

I remember a small child in a hospital gown in the playroom with her father. She put down her crayons, looked at her dad and said, “Is it ok if I cry?” Her dad looked down and quietly said, “I don’t want you to cry.”

How could I complain about my own situation? These kids have so much to teach us about our own pain and suffering. And yes, it’s ok to cry.

(Photo: Kissing my daughter goodnight before my heart transplant surgery)

I have been blessed with 36 years of memories. I have experienced growing up, attending college, traveling, serving a two year mission for my church, falling in love, getting married, and having a beautiful girl who we named Eden.

After being listed for nearly 400 days on the heart transplant waiting list, the call finally came. A heart had become available! I had until the next morning to prepare for difficult surgery.

My family gathered. We shared memories of the past year and our spoke of our hope in the future. I knew everything would be ok. I was nervous. This experience humbled me and I was prepared for the worst and hoped for the best.

Still, even if I survived the initial surgery because of my enlarged heart, surgeons suggested I would be recovering for months in the pediatric intensive care. Possibly, thanksgiving or Christmas would be my homecoming.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the surgery was beautiful. Chief pediatric thoracic surgeon A.K. Kaza, who is my age I should add, performed a beautifully orchestrated miracle. He took my old heart out, which I compare to an old rusty pick up truck and put in a beautiful new sports car. When he turned to grab the paddles to shock my heart or jump-start it he turned back to see that new heart was pumping a beautiful sinus rhythm as though it was meant to be.

Two weeks later, after a miraculous recovery, I went home to my daughter and wife to enjoy a second chance at life.

Exactly four weeks ago, at this very hour, I was receiving my heart transplant. My family sat in the waiting hoping for the best.

Needless to say, I feel amazing. I recognize blood flowing through me for the first time. I have endurance. I’m rearing to go. Like the sports car inside of me, I’ve got the top down and I love the ride.

All of us in this room are busy climbing mountains. In your efforts to give children a second chance at life, I applaud you. I thank you. I admire your work. You are the angels of the hospital who provide miracles for other children like me who need help to go home to a family or for a family to find comfort during a difficult time of loss.

(Photo: Holding my brother Brian's new daughter Bella Aspen Cardall)

In closing, I don’t know why God gave me a second chance or why my brother and so many others, young people, kids, have gone beyond?

What I do know, is that I see things more clearly now. My soul has been stretched. I am a better man.

I have been blessed to live 36 years with a defect, which has reminded me daily that this life is not forever. We all grow old and should cherish each day we have in this beautiful world.

Our family should always come first. Because in the end all that really matters are the ones you leave behind.

Video from the Hosptial, Transplant, Recovery

These videos are personal. I'm sharing them in an effort to help inspire you during hard times. Having family, and a personal knowledge through prayer that we a loving and kind God who is our Father in Heaven empowers me to endure another battle. He knows you.

Part One: I waited nearly a year at home for a donor heart until Doctors encourage me to check into Primary Children's Medical Center due to my severe heart failure. After four weeks the call came that a donor heart had become available. Although I was in severe heart failure, experiencing extreme fatigue, and exhaustion, I was still able to have a little bit of fun with family, friends, musicians, artists, and more. Featuring, Eden, Lynnette, Ryan Shupe, Peter Breinholt, Charley Jenkins, Sam Payne, Mindy Gledhill, Patricia Christensen, Russell's Ice Cream, Market Street Grill, and more.



Part Two: After four weeks in the Children's Hospital the call came. A heart had become available. Watch our personal journey through the transplant, recovery, and the miracle of going home.



These are images from my childhood showing my parents pretty much set me free to do what-ever I could, given my circumstances. I felt normal. I just had a scar. Someone said once of heart surgery, "Oh, tell the people you're a centerfold and you have the staples to prove it."

Special Announcement: The Blog Lives On!

Now that I am home and enjoying my beautiful family I'm amazed at the amount of energy I am feeling. Wow! This is too good to be true. I feel so alive. I walk in the morning as the sun rises, come home, and I'm ready to go out again.

Because of this new found energy and by your gentle persuasion, I've decided to continue with my blog livingforeden.com

I will be posting once a week. I'm not sure which day but when it happens you'll know that's the day during each week to come see what I have to say.

Thanks for all of your ongoing prayers and support. Life is beautifully ironic and full of joy and sorrow. I'm in a season of pure joy.

Yet, there are still so many who need our faith and prayers. May I suggest praying for the family of Mason Andrew Strickland. I ran into Mason and his mother after my biopsy this past Monday at Primary Children's Medical Center.

Mason and his family need our help. They have a trust fund set up in his name. He has pulmonary vein stenosis and they are struggling to find a happy ending. It breaks my new heart apart. Here I am fresh from a victory over my own congenital heart disease and yet Mason is fighting his own battle.

Never, should we live in our own little worlds because other folks need our love, service, and care.

Dear Strickland family and sweet little Mason, "Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine.  Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love—for you." -Deiter F. Uchtdorf (October 3, 2009)

If you can contribute to the fund here is a link to Mason's blog: http://miraclemason.blogspot.com/

Finally, as we think about the Stricklands and other families who are struggling to find solutions, healing from grief, and answers to the challenges that lie ahead may we each stop to reflect on the great love God has for each one of us. We are His children. He knows our name. He loves us as though we are His only child. Eventually, we all grow old and go home. 

Some of us, the pure, the lovely, the innocent, go home young because obviously these souls are too good for this world.

Love is on the Move

Last Sunday, after being home from the hospital 4 days, our neighbor dropped off their new convertible BMW. She said, “Here you go. It’s yours for two days.” I’ve always said, “It’s better to be trusted than to be loved.” Of course, we took the car with the top down. In the back of the vehicle, Eden was snug in her car seat with a cute jacket.

With the wind blowing through our hair and faces my wife Lynnette drove us up the nearest canyon by our home. The trees in Little Cottonwood Canyon were changing. The green leaves were a beautiful red, orange, and yellow. A season has come to a end and a new one is beginning.

We pumped up the volume listening to a favorite band called Leeland. As they sang, “Love is on the Move” we headed up to Alta Ski Resort were we parked the neighbors car.

For the first time in 22 years I felt no altitude sickness, which I often had up in the mountains because of my old heart’s anatomy and the fontan procedure. We walked some distance up a small trail off the side of the road. I felt amazing.

Driving home all we could do is cry because of what God has done for our little family. Hundreds of people have prayed. Little children have pleaded with God for Eden’s daddy. Surely the creator orchestrated something beautiful and I hope others may feel our same joy.

I feel “endurance” and recognize blood flowing through my body. Like slowly dipping the tips of your fingers in warm water I can now feel a sensation in my fingers. I’m composing music with more feeling. My nails grow. I used to have to clip my nails every other month. Now, it’s every week. I don’t get winded or lightheaded talking. I can follow Eden around the block as she rides her bike and still feel like going another mile. My appetite is strong. I’m up early walking as the sun rises. Needless to say, I feel alive and vibrant. Is this what it feels like to be normal? If so, count your blessings. You all have been greatly blessed by the Creator.

I had a chance to see and hold my old heart in the lab prior to leaving the hospital. Some of the heart had gone to another lab and a small part of the left atrium and superior vena cava is still in me. What I held in my hands was the size of a football and looked awful and somewhat disgusting. Pacemaker leads were still in the fatty substance on the outer walls. Stitches from previous surgeries were still in place in various locations. My right atrium was a big 4-5 inch balloon with very thin walls. It had been deflated. That’s how Dr. Kaza was able to remove the heart. The left ventricle and left atrium was covered with a thick fatty wall. I observed my only functional valve, the mitral valve, which struggled to pump oxygenated blood to my body for 36 years.

As I held this heavy over-sized heart in both hands I said to the pathologist, “How in the world did I survive all these years on this thing?” He replied with a puzzled smile, “That’s what we’re trying to figure out.”

At that moment for the first time I saw beyond my faith or spiritual hope of a creator or God. I held the physical evidence in my hands. Clearly someone else is breathing life into our bodies. The pump, which sustained my life for 36 years struggling to push blood through my body, leaves experts wondering how is this possible? Surgeons figured a way out. They made it work.

I asked a friend who is a cardiothoracic anesthesiologist about challenging surgeries and the delicate matters of life and death. Why are some taken home to God? Why do some stay? He said, “Sometimes, no matter how hard we work and no matter if we are doing everything correctly the patient for some strange reason passes away. And then there are times where we think to ourselves ‘there is no way this person is going to survive.’ But we go ahead and do the best job we can and the person lives. It’s hard to understand such circumstances. Obviously, someone else is running the show.”

Because of the tender mercy of our Heavenly Father, the Creator preserved my life all of these years. And now, I have a new heart. I am greatly blessed. I don’t know why. I’m humbled and sobered by the miracle that was beautifully orchestrated over the last year. All I know is that God Almighty has breathed life back into my body. He is my friend, your friend, my Father in Heaven, and your Father in Heaven. He is real. He lives. And like the scars in the palm of Jesus hands I have scars to remind me of His love, mercy, and grace.

In conclusion, I have been blessed my whole life with a congenital heart defect. My soul has been stretched. I will continue to search and seek out soul stretching experiences because in this I find joy, wisdom, happiness, and a personal relationship with God. His purpose and plan for each person is real. There is life after death. I do not doubt. We will see our loved ones who’ve passed away. I will enjoy a reunion with my brother. Until then, may we all enjoy our life and find joy in the journey.
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Watch more video at http://www.youtube.com/user/livingforeden
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Home Is Where The Heart Is

Leaving through the hospital doors with my arm around Lynnette was breath taking. Was I anxious to get home? I still don’t know. Shock is the word I might use. I could not believe I was going home.

Picture: (Top- Becki was one of the many nurses who cared for me. I loved each nurse who dealt with the old man in the kid's hospital.)

Primary Children’s Medical Center had become my home and family. Leaving them behind was an interesting emotion. Of course, patients continue to cycle through their care.

Whatever joyous celebration we experienced in my recovery, the nurses caring for me signed off their responsibility and went back to work caring for the many sick children still fighting for their future. And yet, there is not much public recognition for these quiet and faithful employees who bless so many lives.

After picking sweet Eden up from a cousin’s home we drove up our street noticing the many pink and red heart shaped balloons my sister Carol had placed all over our front yard on trees and bushes. I was proud to know our neighbors knew this was a great day in our lives.

Picture: (Middle- Barb Wright began caring for me in 1975. She has helped thousands of cardiac kids in the EKG lab at Primary Children's Medical Center)

Our neighbors had mowed the lawn and trimmed everything. They even picked the tomatoes they had planted in a garden they helped create many months ago. I had told Lynnette I was looking forward to eating those tomatoes not knowing if that would really happen.

I expected to be home shortly before Thanksgiving or Christmas. My anatomy and symptoms were beyond anyone’s true comprehension. And we planned for the worse while trusting in God and his ability to orchestrate the events of our lives.

We have a quiet home on a peaceful street. Walking through our front door and observing the blessings poured out upon us from all our hard work over the years was humbling. Peace permeates the small rooms and strength fills the walls. I attribute this to Lynnette and her divine nature. She's created something beautiful.

This has been our refuge. We've had many challenges and decisions to make therein which would effect our future. There will be roads to take, and mountains to climb in our future. Amidst our future joy, celebration, and happiness, we will face heart-ache, pain, and grief. However, I find great comfort in knowing the God of Heaven is a loving and kind Father who will help guide us as we seek Him out. I'm reminded of these words from Harold B. Lee, “The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own home.” Our souls will stretch and our wisdom will increase from our experiences and we will be that much more prepared to strengthen others who are going through hard times.

And might I add, if you are not a religious person or doubtful of such strong statements I make about God I encourage you to cling to goodness and those who want to be good. Serve them and befriend them. They will lift you. They will buoy you up when life gets dark and challenging. It is through their goodness that you will feel the literal arms of God around you.

Picture: (Bottom Right- Back home with the family)

Spending a quiet evening at home with my daughter and Lynnette was something special and nostalgic. I think Eden went through 4-5 outfits until we were able to get her off to a ballet/tap dance class in her cute pink tutu. Of course, she kept touching my chest to feel my heart. And from time to time with a vulnerable sweet smile she’d ask, “Dad, hold my hand?”

And now more than ever I know home is where the heart is. And with tears of gratitude in my heart I know I’m home to stay.

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As much as I enjoy maintaining livingforeden.com there will be one more entry and a short video of our journey. Then this blog will be closed until after the holidays. I’ll be spending time with family, compiling my message into a book, and preparing for a long journey ahead advocating the growing needs and education of those living with congenital heart disease, as well as organ donation.

Please visit me at my music site and sign up for the newsletter or go through the various options of finding me on twitter, facebook, youtube, and other places. I would love to keep in touch.

In The News

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

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Paul Cardall recovery a 'miracle'
Heart recipient comes home far earlier than doctors had expected

By Carrie A. Moore
Deseret News
Published: September 10, 2009
Photo by Jeffery R. Allred, Courtesy of The Deseret News

As pink and red heart-shaped balloons bob in the breeze outside their home, Paul and Lynnette Cardall are examining prescription bottles inside.

There's a new heart beating in Paul's chest. Lynnette's heart, for the first time in more than a year, is finally beginning to rest easy.

The Utah musician and his wife came home from the hospital on Wednesday, weeks before anyone had believed would be possible after Paul's heart transplant two weeks ago at Primary Children's Medical Center.

Doctors had told them it would be five to six weeks before he would be strong enough to unplug all the oxygen and IV lines so he could walk away a free man, but as he has done so many times before, Cardall surprised them all.

Before his recent surgery, the 36-year-old husband and father was the oldest Utah patient with his specific type of congenital heart disease to have survived to his age without a transplant. To have him home so soon, and without experiencing any major complications, "is a dream come true. It's just a miracle," Lynnette Cardall said.

Before leaving the hospital, the couple was shown Cardall's old heart, "a football-sized" organ he said he had been lucky to live so long with, considering it was only about half-functional. He said that as he held a portion of it in his hands, turning it over and over and examining the stitches from past surgeries, that was the moment when he "truly understood that somebody else is clearly in charge of our lives."

Future medical students at the University of Utah will hold his old heart in their hands also as a learning tool to help understand congenital heart disease, even as Cardall continues on a series of anti-rejection drugs to keep his body from rejecting the new organ.

READ THE ARTICLE

Look Mom, I'm a real boy - No Strings!

Doctors completed a full heart biopsy this afternoon. The new heart is beautiful! I have some minor rejection factors and pressure which can be resolved by the proper chemistry of drugs. All people with transplants have a low immune system because the new heart or organ is not our own DNA and the body wants to fight it like a virus. This is why people with transplants take a range of drugs like; Prograf, Cellcept, Septra, Valcyte, and Prednisone. It's all a matter of chemistry and taking medication on time to help resolve issues and protect the new organ from rejection and failure.

Unfortunately, because of the poor immune system and the fact my country is approaching flu, swine flu, cold, and more season it will be some time before I am able to go out into public places, which may be difficult for someone who enjoys people.

My kidneys and other organs are functioning beautifully. We worried about future issues with my organs having had protein losing enteropathy, which is working itself out. The varicose veins in my legs have dissappeared as well as some spider veins. My skin and color look normal. And my eyes are clear and blue. My daughter thinks I'm wearing new lipstick. The remarkable human heart works miracles in and of itself. I'm amazed and humbled!

Finally, for the past 5 years I've worn oxygen at night to help me sleep. We've had a concentrator in our home with a 50 foot chord. Eden followed the chord if she wanted to find her Dad. In addition, I had a fanny pack carrying a medication called milrinone, which flowed through a picc line into my heart for almost 10 months. Of course, the home-health care system put their logo right on front of the fanny pack so I felt like I walked around plugging the company. (For those of you in Utah, the only other guy wearing a fanny pack is Dell Schanze) My brother in law thought I should have imprinted paulcardall.com on the bag instead.

I've been looking forward to is doctors removed all of my chest tubes and IVs from my body. I'm able to walk around and enjoy the world without any strings attached. Because of this great news I posted an appropriate song on my playlist from Pinnochio. Thought you might enjoy these lyrics:

I've got no strings
To hold me down
To make me fret, or make me frown
I had strings
But now I'm free
There are no strings on me
Hi-ho the me-ri-o
That's the only way to go
I want the world to know
Nothing ever worries me

Watch the scene from Pinnochio - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4X1UEVGvwY

Friend decides to make marathon a run for the money

BY PATRICE ST. GERMAIN | The Spectrum in St. George, Utah
patrices@thespectrum.com

HURRICANE, UTAH - Running 26 miles in a marathon gives a sense of accomplishment to the runner, but Cory Reese decided to give his run on Oct. 3 extra meaning by putting together a charity team.

Reese, Karrie and Shane Nielsen and others will be running to raise money for Reese's friend Paul Cardall, a recent heart-transplant recipient through Intermountain Donor Services. Read More

Patrick Needs Our Help!

During the 7 weeks I spent at PCMC I became familiar with a lot of different children and their unique experiences. One such family is the Hoopes. Brian works with my father. When my brother died, this young couple stood in line for 2 hours holding Patrick in their arms to pay their respects. They are an amazing couple and deserve our attention as they place their faith in the will of the Lord and hope to save Patrick's life.



Produce for Patrick: Neighbors help raise funds for boy's transplant
By Katie Drake - 09/23/2009

[Photo: Ten-month-old Patrick Hoopes at Primary Children's Medical Center with his parents. (Trent Nelson / The Salt Lake Tribune)]

Taylorsville » It started with pear trees.

Tifanie Pulley had noticed lots of them in her Taylorsville neighborhood, all producing unused fruit.

Pulley decided to harvest the surplus to raise money for a worthy cause -- an intestinal transplant for Patrick Hoopes.

Patrick, who turns 1 on Halloween, was born with only a tiny portion of his small intestine and about one-third of his colon. He can't absorb nutrients from food and must be constantly fed through an IV. Ingesting food that way slowly destroys Hoopes' liver.

His medical problems didn't deter Brian and Emily Hoopes from adopting Patrick when he was 8 days old. They instantly fell in love with his vibrant dark eyes and flirtatious personality, and so did their neighborhood.

To help raise the estimated $500,000 needed to obtain Patrick's transplant, neighbors are working to raise funds any way they can, like Pulley and the pears.

Continue the Article

Fitted For A Better World

Today, I walked for 30 minutes; nearly tube free with the exception of my chest tubes draining fluid, and without oxygen, from my room at Primary Children’s Medical Center over the long hallway to the University of Utah Medical Center. And although I have to gown up and wear a mask and gloves to protect myself from infection I have never felt so alive!

(Right Photo - Taking my first walk to a window where I can see Mount Olympus which I plan to climb June 9, 2010 to overlook the beautiful Salt Lake Valley.)

I should be home soon. But, I’ll be back every other day for the usual poking and prodding, biopsies, and rehab typical of a post-transplant life.

Eventually, I’ll have a stabilized drug regimen and be on my way to a most normal life with a new transplanted organ.

And what to do now?

(Photo Left - Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery, Primary Children’s Medical Center Aditya K. “AK” Kaza, M.D. showing my family my old 5lb heart.)

Over the next couple of weeks I plan to wrap up this blog for a season in order to focus all my time and attention on my wife and little girl. I think I’ll have Eden take me shopping for a bicycle. I’m sure she’ll have a good idea. Maybe she’ll buy me some tap shoes since she is also taking a dance class.

This blog, Living for Eden, will remain online and available as a resource for the folks googling medical information and looking for personal help. Those of you interested in continuing to follow my situation I suggest visiting my music career website and signing up on my mailing list. I will let people know how I am doing until I choose to blog further. Click Here to sign up.

(Photo Right - My kind and wonderful P.I.C.U. nurse removing IVs from my jugular vein.)

The road has been long and difficult. We have experienced the roller coaster of emotions. There have been deep discussions in the darkest hours of evenings concerning the “what if?” How would my family live without a father and husband. Such questions are sobering. Many tears have flowed.

We’ve spent countless hours on our knees seeking help. And the help came through the arms of those who love people and love God. I have learned a great deal about the character of my community. There is more virtue and good in the world than evil. People quietly go about doing good and I’m moved to follow in their footsteps.

(Photo Right - PCMC Director, Adult Congenital Cardiac Program Angela T. Yetman interacting with my family in the surgical waiting room.)

I’ve shared insights and probably preached principles I hope have helped your life. I know, not alone, but by so many others, that you cannot learn joy in this world without experiencing the challenges of life. Through our suffering we gain important virtues; wisdom, compassion, love, charity, hope, faith, sacrifice, and many more.

"We have a Father in Heaven who loves us specifically and gives us things to do and, because he loves us, will cause us, at times, to have our souls stretched and to be fitted for a better world by coping with life in this world,” said Neal A. Maxwell.

This experience has transformed and empowered me. I would not trade this past year for all the wealth or power in the world. But, of course, if I had all that I would have the ability to shout from the rooftops three eternal laws from the New Testament which most people can agree with; Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.

And finally, there is a powerful statement in the book of Ephesians, which is a standard I hope to live by, which states, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

(Photo Right - Talking on the phone with my friend and former adult congenital cardiologist Michael Adjei-Poku.)

Gratitude for Bella

Today, my brother Brian (who passed away on June 9, 2009) and his beautiful widow Anna welcomed their much-anticipated 2nd daughter Bella Aspen Cardall.

She came from God's arms to my younger brother Brian's to his eternal love Anna.

And while I sit in my room recovering from this miraculously orchestrated heart transplant I'm humbled and grateful to the very thought of "life."

We come and go. It is so fragile, so delicate, so priceless, and so incredible.

And I thank God for orchestrating our lives and teaching wife, my Eden, and me the joy in the journey.

(Photo: Bella Aspen Cardall b. 09/16/09)

http://www.briancardall.com

Thank you for helping me with this Miracle!

I don't know what to say which could convey my gratitude to all of you involved in this miracle performed by our Heavenly Father through his children.

I've witnessed tender acts of prayer, hope, faith, scientific gifts, talent, surgical wisdom, and other acts of kind service to me. I am grateful and feeling good.

And yet, at the same time I recognize the deep loss a family is feeling at this time.

Also, I have many tender feelings for the many heart babies who've left us to go back home to God. I hear their voices when I am sleeping and grateful to know many of their names. Their history is written all over the halls of this sacred institution.

I continue to pray for those who still remain fighting for a future with their family and to enjoy this world.

I am still with you and will continue to pray and muster up what-ever faith is in me.

The ever lasting cycle of life's ups and downs is difficult to imagine. There is so much sadness and yet so much joy in my heart today. I am truly grateful. I feel spoiled.

One of my ecclesiastical heroes' Neal Maxwell said, "Each of us have sort of a rendezvous with destiny. And the world needs more kindness."

I feel that the Lord has been kind to me and I have much to do to honor the goodness of those who've fought this fight with me. I pray I may be worthy of your kindness and love.

I can't doubt that this is a miracle God performed.

I attribute all these many blessing and new found perspective to the God of Heaven, my wonderful wife, Eden, family, friends, and numberless strangers who are my brothers and sisters who shared a common bond.

God is a tender loving Father who is cheering from the stands, helping us improve with practice and time.

He tenderly and patiently awaits our running home into His open arms. He is soft spoken and it takes great effort to hear His influence unless we are in such hard situations.

I love you all and look forward to doing what-ever I can to further inspire your lives for good.

We have a beautiful world and together there is nothing stopping us from making it a good experience for everyone.

photos: top - My daughter Eden putting her hand on my chest over my new heart. Middle - Making funny faces three days after surgery; bottom - thumbs up from my childhood cardiac pediatrician and PCMC pioneer George Veasy, current adult congenital cardiologist and clinical director Angela T. Yetman, and Medical Director Edward Clark, M.D., PCMC

All is well....

Posted by Lynnette

We continue to marvel at the progress Paul is making. If you can believe it, he is off the respirator and has been talking and joking like his old self between periods of rest. We are still in shock! He still has several indwelling lines, chest tubes, drains, and lots of medications but all the equipment and bandages seem invincible when you see his great smile.

We sense a great deal of energy from Paul that is anxious to come out when his body is able to comply. The anticipation of the great things that we will see from him in the future with this new found energy is exciting. We are all just awestruck at the steps he is making towards recovery.

What a gift from God this has been, as the miracles continue to come. And what a gift from a selfless family this has provided for us. We are deeply overcome with love for them and their sacrifice as we see the new heart beating in Paul's chest under his skin.

Please continue to pray for a smooth recovery as we still have obstacles to overcome. Again, we thank you all so much for the love you have extended to us.

As we read a few of your comments to Paul earlier while he was still on the ventilator, he was so overcome with emotion that it was difficult for him. We treasure all the comments, well wishes, and prayers you continue to send our way. We are richly blessed.

The long awaited post!

Posted by Lynnette Cardall

Hello to all our much loved friends. This is Paul's wife Lynnette posting from Paul's ICU room. We are deeply grateful and thrilled to share with you that Paul has received his NEW HEART!!!!

The transplant went very well, much more smoothly than expected. He continues to make progress and we continue with prayers in our hearts that all will go well from here.

We are overwhelmed with joy for this gift and blessing. We recognize that this incredible blessing is a result of the love and prayers of so many. Paul continues with a breathing tube but has been periodically awake to communicate by writing.

Paul wanted me to share this statement with everyone. He writes "I am alive because of the medical team, this community, and my Savior who healed me." Once again, thank you for all your support, love, and prayers. We will periodically update this blog as things progress.

A dear friend of ours encouraged us to hang on to a simple truth and that has pulled us through to today. That truth is that "Miracles happen." All our love......

Facing the Future | A Family Portrait

I’m continually amazed and inspired by the kindness of so many people in our community. Acts of service are numberless and I feel overwhelmed.

One such act was a gift from artist Patricia Christensen.

Several months ago I told Patricia how much I loved her work. Within a month she called and said, “I’d love to paint your family.” Of course, we couldn’t turn such a priceless gift down.

We joined Patricia and her husband Ladd at Wheeler Farm in Midvale, Utah. They took several photos of our family and over the next several months Patricia worked her magic.

The other evening, Patricia and Ladd unveiled her painting, which now hangs in my hospital room. I knew parting with her piece of art was a sacrifice, like sending off your child to college. She spent months on every detail.

As I lay in my room staring at the painting, which captures our little family several months ago walking down a path, I’ve humbly and gratefully titled the piece “Facing the future.”

Thank you Patricia Christensen for your act of kindness!

View Patricia Christensen's Art Gallery

A Father's Love in a Dark Hour

Last night, as I lay awake in a dark hospital room, which has become my home, I remembered the many nights I would lie next to my daughter in her room as she drifted off to sleep.

As a toddler Eden didn’t like being alone at night and was afraid of having the lights off. Together, we read books and said prayers. I would turn out the light and continue lying in the room next to her. Slowly she would fade off peacefully knowing her dad was nearby.

There is a beautiful analogy with such a precious memory. For in my own darkest hours I know we have a kind and loving Father in Heaven close by and I’m not afraid. He’s there to help each of us feel calm so we might peacefully endure the dark periods.

(Photo: Giving a hug to my daughter Eden before she left me alone at the hospital)

A Thick Fog of Adversity

(Photo: August family portrait before coming into the hospital)

As I sit in my hospital room looking out my window I see smog hovering over the Salt Lake valley like a thick plague. Each year the wind brings a cloud of smoke from the summer fires. Although it looks miserable I know people are going on with their lives. Eventually, the rain will come, the smog will fade, and once more the valley is restored to its beauty.

Our lives are full of these moments when the thick fog of adversity surrounds us. Yet, somehow we adapt. We plow ahead and move forward with our lives as best we can. We choose how we are going to handle such a crisis. We have within each us the ability to transform our wounds into wisdom.

“If you’re going through hell, keep going,” said Winston Churchill. And from the brilliant Jazz pianist Duke Ellington, “A problem is a chance for you to do your best.”

Most of us are in the midst of hard adversity right now. As one who is struggling each day to carry on, may I humbly assure you that God, our Heavenly Father, will send the rain so that each of us might recognize the beauty in our lives.

Finding Hope

As September 11th draws near, I want you to enjoy this beautiful short film recently produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is not in an effort to proselyte my church but to establish a perspective which has helped me and hundreds of other people during hard times. The principles in this true story are universally accepted among most denominations.

A Health Update & Hosptial Life

Hospital life has made it more difficult to come up with something wonderful to say. The truth is I am tired and anxiously hoping to get the show on the road.

After three weeks of living in the hospital doctors have continued feeding me with intravenous nutrition. In addition, I’m getting a steady stream of milrinone through IV.

I deeply and sincerely appreciate all of your prayers, thoughts, letters, emails, comments, and support. I’m overwhelmed by your love and care.

Throughout this past year your kindness has constantly reminded me of the words in St. Matthew 25:35-40, “For I was hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me… Verily, I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethen, ye have done it unto me.” I am one of the very least of these and I am grateful for your adherence to follow Jesus.

I am having more fluid in my lungs and trouble breathing. As a result, I’m receiving more doses of lasix and an increase in oxygen requirements.

Since, I am more tired doctors have changed my visiting hours from 5-8pm. I deeply and sincerely appreciate your visits as well as the privacy you are showing our family at this time as we approach the final months of our dilemma.

The photo of me with the ICE Cream has a great story. My friend Josh Russell of Russell's Ice Cream which was sold to Farr's is manufacturing new flavors. Josh was coming to visit and asked what flavor I wanted. Of course, I said, "Bubble Gum" not knowing if they had bubble gum. Josh and his wife showed up with this half gallon of bubble gum, which his dad spent all day making especially for me. How cool is that? (Eden, Lynnette, and Me would go get Bubble Gum Ice Cream weekly this past year)

More Music Therapy

Today, two of my good friends debuted a new video on youtube. With all that is going on in life and the frustration of waiting in a hospital, feeling weaker, tired, away from my wife and daughter, Jon Schmidt and Steven Sharp Nelson's new video put a smile on my face. Thanks guys!

Music Therapy & Good Friends

I've always believed music has the power to change our lives and empower our mental capacity for good. My former business partner and good friend Jeremy Barron spends his time devoted to blessing other people's lives. He invited a few of our friends in the Utah music scene to my hospital room for a few hours of laughter and music.

Joining me and my wife were Peter Breinholt, Ryan Shupe, Sam Payne, Russ & Kindee Dixon, Charley Jenkins, and my favorite female vocalist Mindy Gledhill.

Thought I would share with you some brief video from an intimate night of friends and music that I'll never forget. I am forever indebted to friends. I've said many times doctors have the ability and skills to heal your body but friends heal your mind and transport you from your suffering.





Incidentally, the first tune on my playlist "All About You" from my friend Mindy Gledhill is not available. She was kind enough to put the tune on playlist.com because it has special meaning for me and Lynnette, particularly Mindy's words, "I've loved you from the start in every single way, and more each passing day. You are brighter than the stars. Believe me when I say it's not about your scars... It's all about your heart."

In The News: Fifth story in an occasional series

Musician waits for heart transplant
By Carrie A. Moore | Photos by Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret News

Deseret News
Published: Sunday, Aug. 23, 2009

Editor's note: This is the fifth story in an occasional series

Paul Cardall has been waiting for the phone to ring for an entire year.

Not that the musician doesn't take calls from family and friends on a daily basis, but those calls are different. They keep his emotions and his spirit healthy.

The one call he's waiting for will say it's time to replace his own failing heart with that of another, whose family will then be broken-hearted.

There will be gratitude and silent rejoicing on one end of the line, with sadness and mourning on the other. As much as he prays for that family, he can't change the reality that his chance for a future with his wife and 3-year-old daughter will come because someone else dies.

Born with congenital heart disease, Cardall, 36, was first listed for a heart transplant last August after years of surgeries.

Speaking with the Deseret News at Primary Children's Medical Center, where his transplant will take place, he reflected on a year of knowing that his future depends largely on factors he has no control over. Pediatric heart surgeons will replace his diseased heart when the time comes, because they've been treating.... Continue Reading the Article

Radio Interviews and Sacred Piano

With all that’s transpired this past year I’ve put aside my music career to focus on family and getting a new heart. I have been able to maintain contact with fans in newsletters, including consulting a few musicians. Nonetheless, it's been difficult and a financial challenge as a father to put work on hold.

In the beginning I canceled a little over 20 gigs not knowing if I’d be available. In addition, I stepped away from the recording studio. My self run instrumental label Stone Angel Music released only 1 record from guitarist Ryan Tilby.

And yet, musically, I couldn’t be more full of emotion and appreciation. It’s as though music is flowing so deeply inside of me as to burst forth into symphonies offering praise to God for His kindness and mercy amidst suffering. He has taken good care of my little family. It's hard to sit still and not share something.

I'm grateful to Shadow Mountain Records. They reached out to me earlier this year in an effort to keep sharing my music. As a result, this past week they've released an album called Sacred Piano on my behalf. It's been interesting to sit back and let them do all of the work.

Sacred Piano came out of my desire to share 15 of my most personal songs from my 15-year career in relation to this sobering experience. The album features original and arranged piano compositions. In addition, while at home I was able to record three new pieces on my old grand piano for the CD, which include Gracie’s Theme, Amazing Grace, and Were You There?

This past week I had a couple of radio interviews over the phone from Primary Children’s Medical Center. We discussed everything from how I feel about waiting for a heart transplant to recording music.

I wanted to share these conversations with you in an effort to lift your day and give you hope in your own bright future. God can work miracles. It might not be a physical cure to a physical challenge but rather a spiritual change of heart within each of us. He has done this for me.

Interview with Steven Kapp Perry on The Cricket & Seagull Fireside Chat
LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW

Interview with KSL Radio’s “People of Faith with Carole Mikita”
LISTEN TO THE INTERVIEW

More information on Sacred Piano visit:
http://www.paulcardall.com

An Inspiring Man: Gary Ceran

I read an extremely inspiring column in yesterday's newspaper about Gary Ceran whose family I was fortunate to help two years ago as part of a benefit concert with other musicians.

Blessed by adversity: Utah man refuses to wallow in past

by Lee Benson Deseret News | Published: Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2009

"Life. It throws change-ups. And nobody is exempt. No one wins them all. Or were you not watching what happened to Tiger Woods on Sunday?

Gary Ceran has seen his share of ups and downs. He's lost three children to cancer. He's lost twins to premature birth. He's lost businesses to the economy. And that was before his wife Cheryl and children Ian and Julianna were killed when a drunken driver plowed into the family car on Christmas Eve in 2006.

Only Gary and son Caleb and daughter Clarissa survived — all that remains of the family that could have been, should have been, 11.

I ran into Gary Ceran this past week. Almost literally. I was walking around a downtown corner, and there he was in the middle of the sidewalk, offering me a free Italian ice sample.

Continue Reading

One Year on the Waiting List | Miracles

As an adult I am beginning to know the meaning of St. Paul’s words to the Romans, “We glory in tribulations… Knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope.” It is true. I have been blessed my whole life to have severe congenital heart disease. I am far from perfect and needed this in my life to teach me things I could have never learned without it. As a result, I am a witness of God’s hand in our lives. I’ve observed many miracles in my own.

Last Wednesday I was admitted to the pediatric intensive care unit to begin receiving additional milrinone and nutrients intravenously. I’m also beginning some physical therapy.

These changes are an effort to help my organs hold steady so my body is prepared for the challenging transplant. In addition, I am getting some much-needed rest.

Thank you for all of your love! Our little family feels it so strongly... And with all that is transpiring we'll need your faith and prayers even more. A few days ago doctors shared with me tests results from my esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Doctors are theoretically concerned that there could be some excessive bleeding which may or may not be controllable during the transplant operation. It’s statistically serious because with each individual transplant surgery blood must be thinned with heparin for a lengthy time so patients don’t throw a clot and have a major stroke.

I have always believed someone greater than all of us runs the show. I’ve witnessed too many miraculous events to believe otherwise. I’ve also felt such comforting and peaceful emotions during hard times, which are unexplainable in words. I can’t deny feelings.

My friend and author Richard Paul Evans said of God, “If we looked at life as a ball game, God is not an umpire who sits and looks for failure. He’s more like the father in the stands cheering us on.”

Philosopher and spiritual leader Neal A. Maxwell wrote, “God loves us and, loving us, has placed us here to cope with challenges which he will place before us. I'm not sure we can always understand the implications of his love, because his love will call us at times to do things we may wonder about, and we may be confronted with circumstances we would rather not face. I believe with all my heart that because God loves us there are some particularized challenges that he will deliver to each of us. He will customize the curriculum for each of us in order to teach us the things we most need to know. He will set before us in life what we need, not always what we like. And this will require us to accept with all our hearts--particularly your generation--the truth that there is divine design in each of our lives and that you have rendezvous to keep with destiny, individually and collectively.”

For me, God has been extremely generous, kind and loving. I am surrounded by such love and support from family, friends, and strangers whom I see as brothers and sisters. I ache for others without such love to feel that same strength and power. Doctors have the skills to heal the body. Friends and family have the power to heal my mind.

My God and your God has provided me with a wonderful medical team who He can inspire. They are schooled and prepared to work miracles. And through them, I know God can perform many wonderful things according to His will and the faith of those who believe in Him.

And so at this time I humbly ask each of you to please pray for my gifted and skilled medical team of doctors, surgeons, nurses, technicians, and more at Primary Children’s Medical Center.

“I am a witness of His miracles and his mercy. I put my future in his hands knowing he's made me all I am. I put my faith in him and truth begins to speak. His power is real and it moves me until I will not be still.”

Photos: Top: With Eden in the P.I.C.U. / Middle: Rockin in the P.I.C.U. / Bottom: Standing in front of the painting of George Veasy, M.D. my childhood doctor. / Very Bottom: And a video of me and Eden

Thank you for your support!

I can't thank all of you enough for your prayers, thoughts, lighting a candle, friendship, and love. I saw this video today and thought of you. "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one," said C.S. Lewis.

Family Reunion

Our family enjoyed a reunion in Park City, Utah. As expected the gathering was not the same without the presence of my younger brother Brian who passed away last June. His beautiful pregnant wife Anna and spirited daughter Ava joined us and we mobbed them with love.

With all that has transpired in our lives, our Cardall family was still able to gather in humility, love, friendship. We also had a lot of laughter.

After the reunion our family went to the Salt Lake City to set a temporary headstone on Brian’s grave. I say temporary because the city requires the ground to settle before the grave receives a permanent tombstone.

My younger brother David and Dad built a cement base. As the cement settled, Brian's wife Anna had Ava did a hand and foot print in the cement along with the words inscribed “I Love You Daddy.”

I wish people had what I've been fortunate to enjoy. Along with the overwhelming love I feel from my gorgeous wife Lynnette and sweet daughter Eden, my parents are still together and they love each other.

"In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities," said L. Tom Perry

BlessMyLife.org

I received an e-mail worth sharing with you from my good friend's Rob & Alexis Duffin. Together Rob and his wife have created an uplifting website about the daily miracles in our lives. (As a studio engineer Rob's worked on several of my recordings. I appreciate his optimism.) www.blessmylife.org

To Our Friends:

We were recently exposed to yet another website that provides people with an outlet for blogging about negative life experiences. Though the intent of that site is meant to be humorous, it only increased our desire for a medium that inspires positive thinking. Blessings seem to be more abundant when we recognize them with gratitude.

We are excited to introduce our site, Bless My Life, Where Miracles Are a Daily Occurrence (www.blessmylife.org).

We have created this site to provide you with a place to share your daily miracles and blessings. We hope that by providing you with a place to share your daily, life-enhancing moments that more of these moments will be recognized in all of our lives.

We’re excited to have a positive force for good in the world and we invite you to be a part of it!

Love, Rob and Alexis Duffin
www.blessmylife.org

Did you just say esophagogastroduodenoscopy?

If my toddler read this entry she would probably ask if I learned it watching “Sid the Science Kid.” Unfortunately, when it comes to medicine I learn from experience.

The twice-daily lovenox shots I shied away from almost 8 months ago are now as painless as brushing your teeth. Designers of the insulin just need to sharpen the needles to get through thickening scar tissue. And so it goes with lab work, tests, and now minor outpatient surgery.

Cardiologists Melanie Everitt and Angela Yetman have been concerned about possible esophageal varices, which are extremely dilated sub-mucosal veins in my lower esophagus. They are most often a consequence of portal hypertension, commonly due to cirrhosis; patients with esophageal varices have a strong tendency to develop bleeding. It would make an already difficult transplant recovery much more challenging.

And so this past Monday I underwent a minor outpatient procedure referred to as an upper gastrointestinal test or esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Can you believe that word? You would think Mary Poppins had made it up.

Nonetheless, Dr. Dan Jackson at Primary Children’s Medical Center in Salt Lake City, Utah performs these all of the time and pronounces the word perfectly.

I walked into the operating room, laid flat on the narrow table a top what I call a patient's Tempur-Pedic mattress. I enjoyed some brief conversation with a few of the surgical nurses while a gifted anesthesiologist put me to sleep. I probably didn't get to finish what I was saying. Nonetheless, it was not very important.

While subdued, Dr. Jackson inserted a tube down my throat into my stomach. He pushed a minature camera in a pill form through me. Fortunately, he found no major concerns. There are a few varices in the lower third of my esophagus but nothing that needed banding.

While subdued Dr. Everitt was kind enough to arrange the removal of my existing picc line and reinsert in the same vein a double lumen picc so I can begin receiving nutritional formulas containing salts, glucose, amino acids, lipids and added vitamins this coming week. It is called total parenteral nutrition (TPN) and will help my body stay tuned up for major surgery.

Earlier that day my father Duane and wife Lynnette volunteered to keep me company. We’ve been through this before and so they came equipped with laptops and books to keep them busy.

I often feel sorry for the many parents who’ve come for the first time with nothing to do but pace the floor and watch Hanna Montana on the children’s hospital network television. Of course, I’m not sure what’s worse? Having surgery, or watching Zac & Cody on Disney channel and learning how suite their life is?

As of today, my sore throat is gone. But, at some point, I bit my lip and developed a few canker sores. No matter, I'm very pleased with the results and the procedure was practically painless.

Gracie's Theme: Music Video

Share the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVaaRx1-kSs

When I was born with my congenital heart defect in 1973 my parents almost lost me. Today, according to the American Heart Association, heart defects account for an average of 30% of all birth defect related deaths. No one should have to lose a child. And yet, these hard things happen daily.

Many years ago I was fortunate to travel with Richard Paul Evans' who wrote the #1 New York Times best-selling book The Christmas Box inspired by parents who've loss children. He had invited me to compose an album of piano music inspired by his work. Together as we toured the country I met thousands of parents who've experienced the death of a child or several children. It's a cross so hard and difficult to bear I'm not sure I can truly understand the depth or pain of such a thing. Needless to say, those who’ve crossed that difficult road and climbed that impossible mountain inspire me. They are some of the most kind, compassionate, humble, and open people I know.

Tom and Michele Gledhill are one such family. They dealt with congenital heart disease even before Gracie Jean was born on March 20, 2008. Their journey of ups and downs in fighting to keep their daughter alive by whatever means is a powerful example of love, hope, and faith. And although Gracie passed away on March 2, 2009 after a difficult heart transplant the Gledhills know she has returned to a loving God.

Gracie's brief mortal life empowers her family and those who knew her with virtues of humility, strength, compassion, openness, understanding, and a love for others. Their daughter was an angel, a gift, sent by God to bless lives.

What do I take away from knowing families like the Gledhills? Never give up! Never quit! Never lose sight of having faith in God. And in the end, if any of us are called home to the God who gave us life, before what some may call our time, can we declare, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith!"

It is with the uptmost respect and love that I share this montage of home movies and pictures from the Gledhill family. Their path reflects so many other families. I want to thank Michele and Tom for sharing their story with us. The video is set to "Gracie's Theme" which I wrote shortly after Gracie's passing.

I dedicate this video to every family who has lost a child.

I Love My Wife

Today I want to express my love for my family, friends, sweet daughter Eden, and most importantly my wife Lynnette. What I have learned of romantic love and the beauty of marriage I have learned from her. When I speak of hope for a bright future she is the sun rising from the darkness bringing warmth that moves through me.

We have a pure love that no one can take from us. It's a bond, a friendship, that defies this world. Our love is bound by our commitment to each other. I pray daily I may live worthy of her love and give her the respect every woman deserves no matter what comes our way.

"Pure love is its kindness, its selfless quality, its lack of ego and vanity and consuming self-centeredness," according to Jefferey R. Holland. My wife has all of these qualities. He continues, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind, [charity] envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own.”

Again, thanks for all your thoughts, prayers, faith, fasting, or how-ever you choose to worship on our behalf. God is my friend and though life is a wild ride and difficult at times it is also incredibly satisfying. I would do it all over again!